Papa De Reno’s Smokin’ Meatballs

 

You may recall the SNL skit involving Alec Baldwin as Paul Schwetty, who tantalized two reindeer-sweater wearing New England radio hosts with his balls.  The show was about his Christmas nut balls but the double entendre was the joke that carried this skit.   In that spirit, I would like to talk about my balls— balls of meat—meatballs! 

I present to you Papa De Reno’s Smokin’ Meatballs. 

Rather these are not my meatballs, but a recipe handed down to my father, Papa De Reno,  from previous generations of Italians, who could no more write down the recipe to meatballs than properly spell our last name to the immigration authorizes at Ellis Island. 

These are almost killer meatballs by the way and I really mean that.  You see Papa De Reno’s meatballs nearly burnt his apartment building down not so long ago.  He left his balls on the stovetop while he dozed off for a midsummer’s nap in the wee hours of the morning.  Papa DeReno was the scourge of the curling iron crowd, but hey, any publicity is good publicity right?  Regardless, his smokin’ meatballs were the talk of every bar from one side of West View to the next.  No joke.

 

Who in their right mind cooks meatballs after midnight?  Only insane people do this, I must admit.  However, Insanity, Papa DeReno once explained, along with bouts of alcoholism, are traits that run strong through our family all the way back to Rome.   On a positive note, he added depression never seems to be a problem.  Hmm.  Is it because we are all loopy and nuts? 

So it is with pride I present to you my secret family recipe for meatballs.  How good are Papa De Reno’s Smokin’ Meatballs?  Caesar is believed to have once fed a DeReno’s balls to his lions.   That’s how good!

Ingredients

• 1 pound lean ground beef (also can mix in ground veal). 
• ½ pound Italian hot sausage (use sweet sausage if you don’t want it hot). 
• 1 egg.
• 1 medium sized white or yellow onion chopped. 
• Fresh mushrooms chopped up (or small can). 
• 1 half of green pepper finely chopped up. 
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon garlic powder (chopped Garlic if like).
• 1/8 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
• Breadcrumbs (or pieces of leftover Italian bread)
• Italian Seasoning.
• 1 can of tomato (Not spaghetti sauce like that Ragu). 
• 1 can of tomato puree. 
• 1 fire extinguisher (should you fall asleep and burn your house down)
• Bottle of red wine.

Directions:

1. Mix all ingredients.  Form your balls and roll in bread crumbs.  Yes, you must play with your balls. 
2. Cook tomato sauce on the stovetop.  Season tomato sauce season.
3. Meatballs can be cooked in a large frying pan on top of the stove. Cook over medium-high heat, turning the pan to brown all sides.
4.  Simmer tomato sauce pot on stovetop.
5. Add 4 ounce red wine from wine bottle.
6. Add meatballs. 
7. Light simmer for 1 hour to 2 hour in the sauce.  Add water if needed.   
8. While cooking, drink the remaining wine in the bottle. 

 

 

Matthew J. De Reno is a writer cooking meatballs in the North Hills area of Pittsburgh.