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| { letters } We enjoy mail—who doesn't?—and appreciate your correspondence. Please send us letters. And photos, good golly photos. We will print them. Letters to The New Yinzer should be sent electronically to letters@newyinzer.com or physically through the USPS to: The New Yinzer, 315 Gross Street, Apartment Three, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 15224. --- [ Like all good-hearted people, the contributors and editors of The New Yinzer get bored, and have found it beneficial to many to alleviate that boredom through correspondance. Here is a recent exchange. We hope it entertains and inspires. ] From: James Strouse hello from your lowly cartoonist, i have a few updates on me. first off, i am now pseudo-employed (temp work for randstat, where they refer to their contract labor as 'talent'. so please change that part of my bio that describes me as unemployed. (it really upsets my parents). also i have just self-published my first book of limericks and drawings called, 'little rhymes for little losers.'(it's a motivational reader for kids...actually its more like a mean spirted 'where the sidewalk ends.'right now it is being carried at the million year picnic in cambridge and quimby's in chicago. i will send you some selections from it if you want to put them up on your magazine. lastly, i'm still waiting for my share of your grant money. please. i need money to buy medicine for my pink eye. please. jim --- From: Mark Tavani hey jim, as you may have guessed by now, you don't know me. but i, too, am a friend of the new yinzer and i caught your last email and wondered if you'd ever read a book called CREEPY SUSIE. it's a small book by a guy named angus oblong, and it's got cartoons and a little text telling really frikkin sick stories about messed up kids. it's hilarious. anyway, your chap-book sounded like something similar and i wondered if you'd like a copy of CREEPY SUSIE. i work for the publishing house that made it and i'll send it if you want it. just lemme know. good luck with the pink eye. peace aht. mark --- From: David C. Madden lemme just butt in here to invite anyone on this list to submit things tothe magazine under pseudonyms, provided, that is, that they are as creativeand interesting as Angus Oblong. D. --- From: jwest Ok, My new pseudonym will be Angus Oblong. Joe West --- From: Mark Tavani Wow. My new pseudonym is sooooooooo Joe West. I'm serious. I love that name. Sincerely, --- From: jwest I demand royalties if that name is used. We'll work out some kind of aroyalty structure. That goes for everyone. You are more than welcome touse my name, but I'll need some recompense. On a related note, I will beusing the pseudonym Dave "Ivory Coast" Madden for all of my more seriouswork. He is welcome to use my name for any of his work, up to and including his editor position at the New Yinzer. Kicking his own ass directly, --- From: Margaret Emery I want to use the name Mary Easterday. Saw that once when i was filing death certificates. margaret --- From: Mark Tavani When I was a kid, I wanted my nickname to be Duke. Then, when I was about...oh, I don't know...thirteen or fourteen, I realized Duke is only a good name if you're a dog. Saint Bernard, perhaps. Nowadays, I wouldn't mind being called Fellatio Jones. In the meantime, however, I guess I'll have to settle for my own name: West. Joe West. --- From: Cynthia Yogmas you can call me josephine sedimentary. --- From: Rehan Nasir You can call me Sarah Renin. And if you want to have some more fun, Wordsmith.org. Rehan. --- From: Brian Clifford I was riding in the bumper cars at a run-downamusement park when I was rear-ended into the wall bya kid wearing an tank top and Jams. I got out to getsome ice cream from the ice cream stand, and theattendant there said "I saw that kid rear end you into the wall, huh." "Yes," I replied, as I took mychange. When I threw the rest of my cone away after Igot full, one of the costumed employees, who waseither supposed to be a monkey or a bear said, "Youhave learned much my young squire, and henceforth youshall be called Boobtube Poinsettia," and I took himat his word. Please take note. Sincerely and in Highest Regards, | |