{ Dear Kitty } by Zoje Stage illustration by Craig Mrusek I am the child of Anne Frank. She liked movie stars. She read a lot of books. No one yelled at her while she read. Books were a place to go. Words were transportation. She liked love stories, but preferred them against a backdrop of Bubonic Plague. Her mother was often sick, or complaining of pains. To which her daughter could only roll her eyes. Hypochondriac. Munchausen Syndrome. Out-bleeding and out-vomiting the neighbors. Mummy liked to dress well. She cared about her clothing and hair. Her shoe fetish went unrequited. She wore the fashions of the times, and was skinny before it was fashionable. She hated school. She loved school after it was taken away. She loved boys when they flattered her. She wasn't afraid of sex. She felt confined. Her straitjacket was the size of the world; its perimeters held her in. There was nothing to look at and everything to see. She contained fear the way nesting dolls contain other dolls. The innermost fear, though small, was tight and solid like a nut. She could laugh louder than anyone. Firecrackers falter against the backdrop of her laughter. She could be frightfully unsubtle, like a five-year-old amused by someone else's fart. Prison O prison O prison. Who held the key? What lay on the other side of the door? Mummy could hear the things in the walls, the many-legged things that festered and flourished and consumed them all. Sibling rivalry was a waste of time, because the elder had already mastered perfection. They did no wrong, while she did no right. Her future was uncertain. She didn't have the same advantages. Her skills were hard to pinpoint. Her talents, oblique. Mummy wanted to be an actress. She was confident, then. Exuberant, even. The casting people came to town, in search of a special girl, for a special movie: Anne Frank. They could have been twins. Identical. Hair, eyes, bony knees. Hollywood said no. She was too ethnic. Anne Frank was played by someone with a perkier nose and less soulful eyes. She wrote a secret diary. About Daddies who take bribes and threaten their daughters with mental hospitals. About brothers who get advanced degrees and become lawyers, rich but unhappy. About husbands who miss their boyhoods but never cry, clogged and mute like a moth in a metal box. About children she cannot comfort. About friends who die of cancer, leaving her with no one to talk to. About mothers who go blind. |