Harsh Tokes: A New Age Experience in 15 Steps
Mark Mangini, Roxanne Carter, & Jason
Baldinger
On a particular
Wednesday evening Mark Mangini, Roxanne Carter and Jason Baldinger sat down
with various provisions to listen to the I Am the Center: Private Issue New
Age Music in America, 1950-1990 (Light
in the Attic Records, 2013). We decided the best way to handle the review was
to record the three of us talking as we listened to the three record set, which
led to a very daunting 120 minutes of audio files. What follows is the eventual
degradation of discussion, comprehension, and general sense that follows such
extended exposure to the general aesthetic of the genre. Without further ado,
here is our review of I Am the Center.
1. Max Schreck Hiding from the Sun: A New Age Experience
RC: This is a good
start, just like “Sweet Leaf.”
JB: Alright Mark,
let’s get it on.
a momentary
conversation about Lonesome
Dove.
JB: First, that’s
the opening chords to “Flashdance.”
RC: Awesome!
MM: This reminds me
of an early Erik Satie composition.
JB: Yeah, it’s
similar to “Gymnopedies.” I think my annotation for this was: this is the saddest piano in the world and
it just hung itself.
MM: Yes, yes it
did. There’s a silent film quality to it. Whatever it was recorded on gave it a
sort of warble. Can you hear the warble?
JB: All I see in my
head right now is Max Schreck hiding from the sun.
assorted giggling
MM: Or like a woman
in a flapper dress running from a monster in a Fritz Lang film.
JB: Did they have
flappers in Germany?
MM: No but it’s a
movie and anything can happen. Like a dream. That’s the point. If an artist can
make music that lets you have an imaginative vision when listening, whether a
drug thing or a psychedelic music thing, I feel like that’s how I judge good
new age music.
JB: Anything that
gives you headspace. I mean Gurdjieff definitely puts
you into a specific head space, which is interesting being he was a cosmic
joker figure that made sad music. The dichotomy there is...
RC: Impressive!
JB: Thank you! That
was the Jack Nicholson moment in Easy Rider that he gets so high he can’t
remember his line. That’s where I was...
conversation turns
to Easy
Rider and Pink Flamingos. there is at least one mention of chicken
sex.
2. Space Clit and
Star Phallus: A New Age Experience
JB: New piece of
music, new headspace.
RC: That piece was
too short for me to get into any headspace, seeing a German woman in a flapper
dress...
MM: It’s a
collection.
JB: It’s how you
get there eventually. When you listen to this again you will immediately be in
a flapper dress. So this is Gail Laughton.
MM: “Pompeii 76 A.D.”
JB: This was in Blade
Runner. Vangelis is credited as the writer.
MM: This is 1700
years before the United States was founded.
JB: You mean after?
MM: I don’t know...
laughter at MM’s
faux pas
MM: This artwork,
what the fuck?!
JB: There’s your
clammy phallus.
MM: This is a
vagina; a Space Clit!
JB: The head space
of this song is Space Clit injected by Star Phallus.
MM: It’s still kinda phallic, there’s a celestial condom being placed over
it. There are two balls...
3. Wanna Smoke a Bowl and Listen to My Noise Tape?: A New Age
Experience
MM: This is Nesta (Crain), the woman who plays the bowls.
RC: Oh, the
hoarder. I like her!
MM: She was a
Broadway actress.
JB: This is space
age gamelan.
some talk here
about the liner notes, disparaging things are said about people who drink cough
syrup and play guitar like Derek Bailey (this never happens to the best of our
knowledge).
JB: I’m on an ocean,
waiting for Frankie Ford. Mangini, there’s a ship in your living room!
this last sentence
said in the voice of a pirate
MM: I think she’s
awesome, I can’t tell if she’s trying to find a melody, or if there is a melody
or if she’s banging at random, that’s what I’m trying to wrap my head around.
JB: She’s got her
eyes closed and is spinning around and trying to find the sounds that will
allow her to march into the presence of god.
MM: That’s the
beauty of this comp; it’s all homemade and privately issued stuff so it could
be either, but the conversation of what makes that good or bad is fucking
interesting. Maybe she’s making this melody that I can’t conceive of because it’s
so far beyond my ability to understand. Maybe she is this mystical seer and she’s
making this music that is perfect and I dismiss it ‘cause I can’t sing to it. Or
maybe she’s just banging around like ding ding ding ding and you have no idea.
RC: I feel like if
there’s a melody, you would know.
JB: There’s no
melody.
MM: I don’t think
there’s a melody.
JB: I mean maybe it’s
a melody if everything was tuned to 400 instead of 440 like Harry Partch.
MM: I love Harry Partch. Delusion of the Fury is killer shit!
JB: Alright, we’ve
transitioned to spaghetti western guitars, robo-tripping
guitars stuck in a tonal loop.
RC: I think I have
four friends who made this record.
JB: Didn’t we all
make this record when we first got a guitar? I mean I remember when I would put
a guitar against a wall, grabbed a shitty tape deck, put it between me and the
guitar and then stood back and threw quarters at it.
MM and JB in
unison: And record it!
MM: There are way
too many kids who don’t get to experience the beauty of throwing things at a
guitar and calling it art.
JB: We’ve changed
tones, not tracks
RC: I think I’m
fine with it, but I know I sat around and listened to so many dudes tell me
they made this.
JB: You wanna come back to my dorm and listen to my noise tape?
RC: Actually, wanna smoke a bowl and listen to my noise tape?
4. SF Dollar Bin
Staple: A New Age Experience
MM: Sorry Wilburn,
we’re onto Iasos.
RC: Whoa, can I get
a better look at him?
JB: He wants to
cuddle.
MM: Iasos or eyeosis?
JB: A San Francisco
dollar bin staple.
RC: I saw that!
MM: This guy sucks.
Look at these album covers. Look at that one, it’s the worst shit.
RC: It’s the
same...
MM: “We can never
do better than this, so let’s just make the art smaller, put a border around
it, and give it a different title...”
JB: When you run
out of money you just put a border around it and you get a whole new album
cover.
MM: No art ever
surpasses it.
JB: Your art is the
best of all the arts.
RC: I can’t handle
this dude’s face, take it away!
5. Who Goes Back to
School for a PhD?: A New Age (Clout) Experience
MM: The thing about
this next guy is he’s a PhD, a fucking doctor! There’s no passion. “We can just
put this sound in this spot...”
JB: Insert tone A
into column B.
RC: Maybe he needed
money.
MM: Who goes back
to school for a PhD?
RC: Why the fuck
not, he was looking for new age clout.
JB: New age clout!
laughter
JB: We are
listening to space music. The synthesizer is lapping waves on the shore.
RC: How does it not
get electrocuted?
MM: It holds its
breath.
6. Zima: A New Age
Experience
* Editor’s note: by
this point we have either changed songs or gotten lost.
MM: I just want
Steven Halpern to stop playing “7th Chakra Keynote B
(Violet).”
RC: I am not
opposed to seeing violet from this.
MM: But not after
that title. “7th Chakra Keynote B.” Jesus.
RC: What year is
this?
MM: 1975
RC: I think the
dude was into it. He feels what he’s doing.
MM: Clearly, he’s
got his eyes closed. He’s either playing piano or masturbating...
JB: He’s
masturbating into the morning sun.
RC: Maybe that’s
how he meditates.
MM: Or he’s
attaining the 7th level of nirvana.
JB: Whatever gets
you there.
MM: He’s totally
fucking gone.
RC: I can’t even
imagine masturbating to this.
MM: I can!
JB: What rhythm
would you pick?
MM: When I’m trying
to get into the mood, I just put on my Stephen Halpern album and drink a glass of Zima.
7. Peace Love
Harmony and Doing Babes: The Top of the New Age Experience Pyramid
MM: So this next
piece is Joel Andrews, “Seraphic Borealis.”
JB: Hence the harp.
MM: Look at this
picture!
RC: Whoa!
MM: That’s a heavy
picture!
JB: Is that a
beard?
RC: That’s his
hair.
MM: It’s like Kenny
Rogers slaying on a harp.
JB: He looks so
self-actualized.
RC: He’s at the top
of the pyramid
JB: He’s the eye
looking out of the pyramid.
MM: He’s seeing in
sound.
JB: I’m not seeing
in sound, this is like driving in the rain.
RC: That would be
great if when you drove through the rain, the drops sounded like harps when
they hit the windshield.
JB: Now that you
mention it, that does sound pretty cool.
RC: Cause by muses
he meant the bevy of ladies he convinced to live with him and fuck him all day,
and call it spiritual ecstasy. Good for him, he is at the top of the pyramid.
[Editor’s note: we
realize this is a strange transition but hey]
MM: So you have
this cheesy Aquarian, perverse hippie ideology that is corny. That being said,
the idea of creating peace love and harmony with music is a beautiful idea.
8. Does This Music
Have Drug Connotations?: A New Age Experience
RC: Does this music
have drug connotations?
JB: I would assume
there is marijuana being smoked, if I may be so bold.
MM: If you’re
meditating for four hours a day to have an experience that is vaguely similar
to being tripped out, why not just smoke a bunch of
pot and have way more time in the day to do cool shit?!
JB: You cannot be
the eye!
title
suggestion--It’s My Turn to Yell at the Sky: A History of the New Age
Experience.
9. Banishment: A
Lack of New Age Experience
MM: She (Constance Demby, although we may not even have a clue where we
actually are in the track listing) was a sculptor before she was a
musician, so she was creating visual art that was created in a three
dimensional space and so now she’s...
JB and MM: Sculpting
the sound!
JB: I see leaves.
MM: I think she’s
creating butterflies.
RC: I’d like to
state for the record that texting isn’t very new age...
let the record show
that JB was texting at that moment. he is now banished from the wizard’s beard.
MM: What would have
been awesome is if they ended every side with a locked groove. So many people
would have just wasted hours and hours of their lives thinking the side wasn’t
over yet.
general agreement
by everyone.
10. Enya: The Inevitable New Age Conversation
MM: I’d be really
interested in listening to an Enya record after this
to see how the genre develops into mainstream artists. JB, you work in a record
store: do you know any popular new age artists?
JB: No
discussion of Enya’s hit single “Sail Away.”
MM: But how
different can that be from the Sigur Ros on the back half of Valtari?
RC: Iceland?
JB: Fjords?
MM: Sigur Ros have a very different
way of being looked at than Enya does.
RC: Reputation?
JB: It’s also not
that far removed from Phillip Glass or Terry Riley in his kinder moments. Yeah,
Terry Riley.
MM: So maybe we
have to separate by genre. I always thought of Sigur Ros as being a psychedelic band. New age stuff is always...
JB: It’s easy to
stigmatize
MM: One could argue
that “Sail Away” has a structure. It’s a pop
song.
let the record show
we talked about Enya for a long time. as the discussion
veered a bit, it somehow came back to Enya and the
state of new age music today.
JB: Tangible
tangerine dreams
after Enya comes a discussion on memory
JB: You were a
fetus.
11. Marijuana,
Finally: A New Age Popcorn
MM: We need to take
out all the references to pot.
JB: My god, these
people smoke a lot of popcorn.
RC: I don’t think I
can eat enough popcorn to enjoy this song.
JB: My dad wears a
sweater vest and makes the best kettle corn and then sits in the closet and
plays a synthesizer while wearing a monkey hat.
12. Group Whoa: A
New Age Experience
RC: These people
are directly responsible for punk rock music.
JB: ENO.
MM: LAARAJI.
RC: I hear laaraji babes are easy.
MM: Unicorns in
paradise.
JB: I am not seeing
unicorns in paradise.
MM: It’s part of a
larger piece.
JB: This is where
the unicorn is meeting the mountain?
MM: It’s exploding,
while being hit by lightning.
GROUP WHOA
13. Homage to the
New Age Camel-toe
MM: On to Peter
Davison. These pictures show his virtuosic skills.
RC: What the fuck? He’s
a snake charmer and he’s working with telephone wires?
JB: He looks like
David Crosby.
MM: It’s the ‘stache.
RC: I don’t even
understand how you make music from something like that.
JB mansplains patch cables
MM: Most of his
professional work is for PBS and yoga videos and the like. Yeah! I want to make
music for yoga videos! You get to just make the most psychedelic shit!
RC: This isn’t “far
out.”
JB: Homage to the
camel-toe.
laughter
14. Nonesense: A New Age Misspelling
JB: This song sounds
like the fucking Eat’n Park cookie commercial, you know the one where the star
tries to mount the tree and fails, then the tree picks him up.
In the future stars
ride sandworms, Mark gets a lamp, I have no idea where the magic genie is. JB
hates flute. Things are crawling up spines. Mangini wants to jam out to Jethro Tull. Bungle in the Jungle
v. Locomotive Breath. There is little left but deconstruction.
JB: Can you see
chakras, 'cause I can.
RC: No but I can
see this dude’s earrings.
MM wants Eat’n Park
cookies. JB talks in yinzer accent about the mating
rituals of stars and trees. There is laughter and people thank each other. The
bedroom and a sweet piece comes into the conversation.
RC: Michael Stern.
MM: The earth
kisses the moon.
RC: We’re just
getting to the tongue.
JB: Breakthrough!
RC: I wonder who
made the first move, the sun or the moon?
RC wonders if she
is funny, but realizes in listening to this that she is indeed hilarious. MM
wants to write an endcap, this is now nonsense.
15. New Age Nipple
Discrimination
RC: I hate new age
music, I fucking hate this shit.
attention is turned
back to the cover art
RC: Under a black
light this would be sick...real visionary art.
JB: Dark side of
the moon.
RC: Approximately
25 artists founded a movement of healing to align the chakra.
MM: The new age
that I like is secular.
disparaging things
are said about the cult of new age music
JB: This song
should be called “Stab a Dick in Your Eye.” Then
it would be experimental.
RC hates men with
earrings
JB: I can see the
light of your chakras in my earrings.
It’s all dark. Robert Fripp took a shit on my
pancakes. New age discrimination. My chakras are two eyeballs looking at two
different things. I get lost in your hands. Do all your hands have nipples?
MM: That was a
crazy nipple: a new age experience.
RC: The starship
enterprise has been compromised.
~FIN~
Mark Mangini, Roxanne Carter, and Jason Baldinger are
all alive and well and living in Pittsburgh.